I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
