Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
