i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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