Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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