Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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