He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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