She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
