I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you're hired as official boob wrangler
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
