i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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