That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
