and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The best revenge is premature balding
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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