It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she smelled like a LAN party
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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