You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He kissed a someone with a penis
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
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So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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