the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just forgot I was standing up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
