Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
