Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
