so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
