Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
