Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
