Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
