I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
