Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
