Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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