I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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