He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
