You work out of a Hotel?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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