unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
