can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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