We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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