i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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