The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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