One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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