so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
