When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
