I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
