So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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