Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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