I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
