I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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