i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
