I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
