i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
