Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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