a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
