please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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