he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
