what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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