my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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