I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
