I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
