Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
