Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
