Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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