I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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