I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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