do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
