Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
