You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
