if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
