I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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