none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
