Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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