You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
