I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
