Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
