My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
