Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
