i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
