Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
