I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
