I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Semen is not good for contacts.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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