My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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