margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
