I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
