just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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