You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
