One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
