I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
