If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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