***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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